14 March 2018 - Breaking Away

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Emotionally, yesterday was quite difficult for me. I won't go into details, but I spent my evening defending myself, my family, my job, and what is important to me. What was most upsetting to me was that I spent this time defending myself to people that I respected and trusted, mostly in vain. I was the bad guy. I was the bad guy for following the law and doing what I had not choice but to do. I was the bad guy for doing my job. It was incredibly frustrating.

A dear friend of mine asked why I even engage trolls like these. Normally, I don't, or, if I do, it is quick and I don't take anything personally. But... this was personal. These weren't "trolls", but people that I knew personally, with whom I've spent a good deal of time (in most cases). These were people with whom I agree with 99% of the time.

I went to bed last night nearly in tears. I was hurt and I didn't know how to respond.

This morning, I looked at my Facebook and had another comment from an older friend, whom I haven't communicated with in years: another attack. I responded to this person, briefly, and then I deleted Facebook from my phone.

And, let me say, it wasn't just for this one afternoon that I deleted it. I actually deleted Facebook a few years ago because it was fueling a bout with my Seasonal Affect Disorder. There was a second reason for this time, however. I've noticed a disturbing trend on Facebook of ableism in discussions of protesting, marching, and politicising. Again, people I trust post things about how one cannot contribute or can't consider themselves an activist unless they show up to a march and march, unless they take a trip to the capital, unless they go to frequent meetings. This ableist rhetoric has really turned me off of the very communities I am proud of belonging to and it has made me question whether or not I really do belong to them.

I don't know how often, if at all, I will check Facebook. I do have some professional groups that I am a member of and enjoy reading. I also really enjoy reading my family's posts. So, maybe I'll log on and check those pages out.

For now, however, I can't (and don't want to be) on this platform. I am on there for the discussion with people I care about and, right now, we are not part of the same loving/caring community.

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Current Stats:

* yesterday's water intake - 50 ounces
* today's goal - 64 ounces

* pain level - 2-3

* current mood - caffeinated

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Miriam's Recommendation:

I LOVE mysteries. I have discovered (over the course of a year or so) some great mystery/true crime podcasts:

1. S-Town
2. Serial Season 1 and 2
3. Atlanta Monster

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