23 April 2018 - Weekend Reflections

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  1. I am learning how I practise self care. I had some opportunities this weekend, much to my surprise, to practise self care - which I did. As I explore the art world more, I am finding peace and calm in things that, as a child, caused me stress. I remember as a child that my art teacher did not like left handed children. She forced us to use metal scissors that gave us splinters (I was one of two left handed children in the entire school). I forced myself to learn how to use right handed scissors to avoid splinters. I can no longer cut well with my left hand. When she yelled at me for not being able to draw as well as the others, my father taught me to draw upside down. She did not like this, but I found a way to do it anyways. Afterwards, I gave up trying to paint and draw much at all. Recently, I've rediscovered it, along with mixed media artwork. I am really enjoying rediscovering things I used to like to draw and how to draw new things. I don't post them all the time, but I do post my art on instagram and I am enjoying the community of artists I've found there. My next big goal is to get a set of quality dry water colour paints and brushes to play with.
  2. I am not only willing, but capable of following through on my responsibilities. I have been struggling with some self esteem issues lately. Part of this is wrapped up in my physical issues with my health. Part of this is wrapped up in my experiences lately with others. As I work through this, I am realising what I already knew: I am willing (and I don't need to jump up and down for joy to prove it), and I am capable (frustration is part of it).
  3. Frustration is okay and, for me, an important part of my internal process. For me, frustration can often stem from an outside source or situation, but, in reality, is an inner issue with myself. Maybe I am not expressing myself well or correctly. Maybe I am struggling understanding a concept. Maybe I am struggling with my feelings of sadness and anger and I am frustrated that they are affecting the way I work and communicate with others. What I am also understanding is that frustration is not anger. Anger requires an acknowledgement, often within a context or relationship. Frustration requires inner work.
  4. If I am angry, I am getting better at understanding why and how to handle it. Sometimes it has required a conversation with someone. Other times, it requires a break from work to reset and revisit a problem or idea. Sometimes, it means I need to take a real break for self care, often because I am angry about things I cannot control or change.
  5. I am an introvert. I may have learned how to have a public face when it is time to be professional, but it is very difficult for me, especially for sustained periods of time. I have been told I appear angry, when, in reality, that is just my face. I honestly think that the emphasis and preference our society places on extroversion does harm to introverts. Unless I'm smiling, appropriately loud, and a "yes" person enthusiastically, something must be wrong (it must be, right). What kind of person would choose to sit in a corner, working diligently, when there is a room full of people? I've been told I focus too hard and get too "in my head". Well, I like it there :). I like my thoughts and the creativity that is coming from them. I want to explore that in every facet of my life. Just saying. At one point, I was listening to some discussion of election candidates for an organisation. I was saddened by how much, in some cases, preference was given to candidates who smiled more or didn't stutter when publicly speaking. I was also encouraged when these same people chose a candidate who had really great ideas, AND struggled to deliver their speech. 
There may be more. I am a slow thinker sometimes. 

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Current stats:
- yesterday's water intake - unknown (most of day spent on road)
- today's goal - 10 glasses (currently at 4)

pain level - 5 + stiffness and swelling

current mood - self matters

Miriam's recommendation - I'm trying a new water counter app - plant nanny. I am encouraged by the friendliness of it and the "game" aspect of it. 

Miriam's art - @lil_chilichabao (instagram)

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